As I've been FINALLY sitting down to do Emily's first year scrapbook, I've sifted through many pictures from that year. I've laughed at things she did and I've wondered where my sweet baby has gone. Oh yea, she's almost 8, that's where she went. :) But as I've sat and worked on it, I've seen pictures of her with family members and more specifically, my dad. I remember it was during her first year of life that my dad figured out something wasn't quite right with his health, thus the true beginning of "Operation Breath of Life", however, it wasn't until exactly 4 years ago today (well Korea time anyway) it truly began.
When I've seen these pictures of the smile on my dad's face with his grandbabies, it brings a huge amount of thankfulness and feelings of how truly blessed I am. I think of my relationship with him and how the song "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman" always makes me think of him and how blessed I am with our relationship. We didn't have the ideal setting when I was growing up and I didn't get to live with him until when I was in high school. He did his best to spend time with my brother and I when he could and make it to important events for us. When I lived with him, he did what he could to make up for that lost time when he couldn't be there daily. As I grew up (wait, I still don't feel like I've done this some days), left for college and even moved across the country for a boy (who luckily is my husband now 15 years later) much to his trying to get me not to and with good reason, he always encouraged me and let me know he was just looking out for me. Even then, he wore "the weight of the world on his shoulders" but if I ever said "Dad I need you", he was right there ready to "dance." Stick with me. I know I'm rambling. :)
Fast forward to my wedding (remember that boy I moved across the country for? ;)), and us dancing to She Walks with Me by Michael W. Smith.
The lyrics from the song that stick out in my mind are:
In my eyes she'll see my prayer
As she turns each page
Through this tender age
It is love that makes her strong
It's her love that makes her strong
As she turns each page
Through this tender age
It is love that makes her strong
It's her love that makes her strong
Yes, I was "raised" by my mom. But it's what I learned from my junior year of high school on that sticks out the most in my life. Maybe it's b/c I've tried to block out anything prior to that or maybe it's b/c my dad showed unconditional love and even if I made mistakes, kept pushing on with me.
I can only let her know
I am always on her side
And even as I let her go
I'll never be far
I am always on her side
And even as I let her go
I'll never be far
It was that day, he "let me go".
Fast forward a few years later, okay, so more than a few, like 7, and I'm standing in my little sister's high school gym for a Father-Daughter dance with my dad and two daughters. My dad got to be everyone's date that night due to the hubby being in Iraq for his second deployment. At one point in the evening, "Cinderella" came on and was performed by various little girls. My girls knew the song as I'd played it before, but it was awesome to stand there with my dad, my little sister and his granddaughters knowing just how proud he was of all of us, because let's be honest, even a 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old can do lots to be proud of :) He danced with me, danced with my little sister and danced with his granddaughters knowing this was a special moment he may never get again, or maybe at least not all dressed up like we were. He knew eventually that "clock would strike midnight" and the moment would be gone, but the memory would never be forgotten.
Get another few years under our belts, actually only like 1 (early 2009), but my dad kept trudging along even though he was coming up on 3 years of dealing with this health issue. He pushed through and joined us for some time at Disney where the girls got to dress up like princesses and parade around with crazy hair (in Emily's case) and a princess up-do for Nichole. Sorry Dad I know you don't like this picture but it proves how far we've come. Despite his struggles, he wanted to take that time to spend with the girls and his family because that's how he is and that's what matters most to him. He can be having the worst day of his life and hardly anyone will know it because he will do his best not to let you.
Fast forward to when life changed even more for our family and this time 4 years ago the next Beginning of Operation Breath of Life started. I was heading home (sans children and hubby) to see my dad and wondering if it would be one of our last times together. My dad continued to carry "the weight of the world on his shoulders", was literally being taken down by that weight and yet he kept "dancing" the best he could. Tests from the Mayo Clinic came back saying my dad had 6 months to live without a lung transplant. What?!? How could life have gotten away from us so far and how could something so terrible be happening to one of the greatest men to walk the face of this Earth? I don't even want to remember those days and how that was one of the hardest goodbyes I've ever said (it would rank up there with more in the few years to follow). I remember "Cinderella" replaying in my mind and telling myself that the dance wasn't over yet. He was carrying more weight on his shoulders than he'd ever carried (at least at that point in his life anyway) and I'd had my moments, but I wanted more with my girls, I wanted more for my little sister. I said goodbye with a heavy heart and headed back to my family.
A few months later, one of my favorite pictures and treasured memories with my dad and my girls would be made...
In the past 4 years, we've gotten to make many more memories. And I hope we've got many more left to make. My dad is still carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and moreso than I will ever know. I was emailing with someone the other day and there was a line in the email that said "It shows in his faith in God and in his love for his children". Now, the content of the email doesn't mean anything to anyone but me, but the one line says it all about my dad. Listening to all the songs listed above and a few others often causes blurry vision (as we call it when that happens to my dad "girl lungs") but I am thankful knowing it's for a good reason. I wonder if 23 years from now (wow I totally just aged myself), the girls would have as many nice things to say about their daddy. I bet they will.
As my dad faces new challenges from the transplant and trials he never thought he'd be having to face post transplant, he continues to "dance". All those who have prayed for him (and Debbie) along this journey, please continue to do so.
If you've made it this far, I hope that all made sense. I always just type and never go back to really edit. I take so much time, energy and emotion into writing it the first time, I can't go back and do it twice.
1 comment:
Christy, those words on paper say it all about your family. There is not a day that goes by, that I don't think about your father. He is what we jews call a " MENCH" a man who truly gives 100% of himself to all and still has enough to give to his family. However, it is more than that; he has humility, empathy, and compassion for all. Just wanted to say that the community would not be the same had he not recieved the secobd chance that for him is so deserving. The Browdy's will and always continue to pray for him and the entire family. May you and your family always go from strength to strength. Please send my sincerest blessings to him and debbie as well as Kylie.
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