What it means...

I saw this post on a fellow milspouse's blog where she posted a challenge to share what it means to be a military wife and thought it would be interesting to see what I could come up with. I think some of it is from a mil wife/mom perspective, but oh well. It's my list and it can be what I want :)

Being a military spouse means you get a lot of heartache coupled with a lot of joy. And a lot of other emotions.

It means that even little girls enjoy wearing "work clothes" like Daddy. Even if their best color isn't a green "bag".

It's feeling a huge sense of pride when at a public event such as a football game and having the National Anthem playing with your hero standing beside you.

It's trying to figure out what to do the day your hero is ready to be deployed and having a pit in your stomach the entire time.

It's having your kids (not even 3 and 5 at the time) still remember the previous deployment homecoming when they were woken up in the middle of the night, were good listeners for Mommy and we welcomed Daddy home a few hours later.

It's the girls wanting to sit down to read a story called "Tell Me About Faith" (a story about a little girl whose father is a soldier) for only a 48 hour TDY.

It's checking on the girls at night once they are asleep to see them cuddling with their Daddy Bears, even if he's home.

It's waiting for that phone call, even if it's at 3 a.m., or email, or text to let me know he's still out there, and is ok. A phone never becomes such an appendage as when your hero is deployed.

It's remembering where your kids were born or what stage of life we were in based on where we were stationed.

It means planning the addition and birth of your second kid around deployments, TDYs and exercises on base. Right down to the day of induction. Just to make sure he can be there to catch her.

It's about always making a home wherever the AF may take us and missing the jet noise when you're stationed somewhere without jets.

It's being sad for military friends who are missing their loved ones and feeling overjoyed for those about to be reunited.

It's the feeling of disappointment when your phone dings from a text and you know it can't be your hero b/c where he is, there is no texting.

It's reading a card your hero wrote and left with you as he said goodbye.

It's reading a letter your hero writes to his girls and them wanting you to read it 77 times a day from where it hangs on the fridge.

It's living up to the line that "absence really does make the heart grow fonder".

It's the school girl feeling and butterflies you feel on the day of his return that can only be explained and completely understood by another military spouse.

It means that when I think about how life has gone and if I would ever change a thing, I don't think twice before knowing I'm in this life for a reason and part of that reason is the man I love, my hero.

That's what I love about Sundays.

1 rainy Sunday afternoon + 2 crazy girls = 3 outfit changes and unlimited performances. See the video below for their performance. They crack me up with the things they come up with. I think I'm somewhat worried for the future :)

Nichole wanted a picture of her "rocking out".

Yea, don't ask. We don't anymore :)

May, the month of randomness.

So I don't carry my regular camera around with me all the time, but here are a few pictures from my phone.

The girls share a room. However, this particular night, they were split up to go to sleep. Nichole started out in our room. Somehow in there, an extra person crawled into our bed with her. Not sure whether to punish them for not listening or feel blessed they love each other so much they don't want to spend a night apart?!?

One day while Colee was at school, Emily set up a tea party for her, myself and her invisible friends, who have no names, I've asked. I'm apparently allowed to call them whatever I want, but they have to have girl names. Got it. Anyway, I reluctantly (insert sarcasm here) put my computer aside since I was doing Quicken to enjoy the tea party. Emily wanted us to say a blessing before we "ate". I had to turn my phone on mute though b/c she caught me taking a picture at first and scolded me saying "Mommy, we don't take pictures during the prayer". :)

Nichole had a birthday party to attend, so Daddy took Emily on a date to see "How to Train your Dragon". She wanted to get dressed in this get up. Luckily for him, she wanted the hair piece taken out before they left. Once they got home she was so excited about the movie and told me it was "totally awesome". She can't wait until it comes out on DVD.

We are dogsitting my BIL and SIL's puppy, Herc while they are deployed. Him and Aspen are buddies and get along great. Unfortunately, part of being in this family requires you to be okay with being dressed up. So far, Herc hasn't minded too much :)

I was busy taking a picture of the girls from the stairs and turned around to see the boys hanging out waiting for me at the top

Emily off and running with her hubby Herc at the dog park. I don't think he's lacking for attention.

Wichita Zoo and friends

I love how my girls and their friends haves so much fun together. With Scott, Sydney and the girls, there is never a dull moment but they all get along so well and we have been lucky enough to see them again a few times before they move to Vegas. While Daddy was TDY for a training exercise, we took a night to go visit them in Wichita. I got to attend a spin class again with Shari and then we figured we'd get some of the kids energy out at the zoo. For some reason, they wouldn't let us try to leave them there where they belonged;)

We had to take a pit stop by each animal statue.

They are all such great buds!

You can see Nichole peeking behind Scott. I'm going with they are all small enough to be "prey" ;) Thanks Shari for letting us crash at your house. Can't wait to get together again!

God Gave Me You

I keep hearing this song on the radio and it reminds me of someone I've spent the past almost 12 years with...9 years of marriage :) Also as I watch the video it reminds me of the love between my grandparents and really just certain people God has brought to my life. He puts them all there for a reason whether we understand that reason or not. It could be family members, it could be civilian friends (haha, I love to call them this) and at most times Air Force friends/family who help us through many ups and downs! I am so thankful for my husband, daughters, family and friends whether they are on this continent or not!! :)

Colorado Weekend

We are finally done traveling for a while, well, at least until the end of June when we head to NH. Once we got to Kansas, we had just under two weeks before we jetted off again (thank goodness for the minivan with a DVD player and the invention of the DS). We made a quick trip to Colorado for Jenn's wedding. Eric had to return some stuff to an Air Force base so we thought making a stop in Colorado Springs at the AF Academy was a fun idea. The girls had fun seeing where Daddy went to school and of course seeing where Mommy and Daddy got married.

Where it all began, almost 9 years to the day...4 June 2001:)

After running by the Academy, we met up with Giga, Aunt Libby and Uncle Stephen at the first ever Chipotle! P.S. That was NOT per MY request. We passed a few other Chipotle's I would have been fine with stopping at, but Eric insisted we go to the original one in Denver. Fine by me.

The girls had a blast hanging with Uncle Stephen and Aunt Libby. Anyone who will give them a "neck ride" is A-ok in their book!

While we were in CO, we had family pictures taken. Made sure we got one of the girls with Giga and Nana.

The wedding was at the Stanley Hotel so we took advantage of the staircase to get a family pic of our own.

We decided to make more of a trip out of it and take advantage of the great scenery we were surrounded by, so we went hiking a few times! Love having the mountains in the background!

The girls couldn't make it the entire hike, but neck rides from everyone helped out :) This is what started to happen when I'd turn to take pictures of Emily. What a goof!

Another shot from the family picture session we had. This is where the reception was held.

My two babies! I love them! They were such troopers the whole weekend even though they somehow thought getting back in the car so soon meant we were moving again. They never cease to amaze me and are wonderful children, most of the time ;)

They love each other! And had to have some fun climbing around on the rocks and such.

After the rehearsal they got MORE neck rides. See a theme here? :) This was supposed to be their silly face. Although this was the face Emily gave in every picture.

Emily and Nichole with Auntie Jenn and their frames for being the flower girls.

The girls with Auntie Jenn before the wedding.

I love him! He's so handsome :)

Giga got a good pic with the girls!

Watch "The Shining" if you don't understand this picture :)

At the end of a long weekend, Emily thought it was hilarious that when Giga put her on his shoulders, her dress covered his face. Her little laugh makes me smile.

There are many, many more pictures. To see them, click on the link at the top of the page on the right hand side that says "Click here for family pictures galore".

Not much else to report for now.

Find Your Wings

With Mother's Day coming up, I realize (once again) how blessed I am with two little girls. Ok, so I don't realize that every day, but I at least try. They can be cute. Anyway, I shouldn't be spending time blogging right now, I should be working!, but wanted to post this song by Mark Harris "Find Your Wings". (You can hear it playing as the first song, for now:)) I heard it on the radio today and it reminds me of my dad and what he has always wanted for me. Thus it also describes what I as a mother and Eric and I as parents want for our little girls. We love you girls! Even if you are pistols :)

Blessed?

John 1:16

I know I've posted about this time and time again but it can't hurt to be repeated right? Last night, once again I realized just how blessed I am to have certain men in my life. For a few days there it seemed as if plans would have to be adjusted for New Hampshire (a trip I look forward to all year long and enjoy having Eric and the girls take part in), I wouldn't get to go home for my cousin's wedding and so on. One of my blessings is my hubby and how he knows how much I love spending time with my family. I couldn't ask for a better family and I am proud of where I came from. We always have a great time together no matter what the event. Shoot, that shows by even watching football in the Mayo Clinic ICU back in October. My hubby knew how much I wanted to go home and be with my family for my cousins wedding even though we'll get to see some of them just a week or so later in New Hampshire. He was able to adjust his schedule such that I could go home. Not only could I go home, but due to the way we were trying to get my ticket, I will be getting to go home for almost a week! That's unheard of... especially considering the kicker, I'm going alone! We had originally intended for the trip just to be from Wed-Sun, the Sunday being Father's Day where I wanted to spend breakfast with my dad and be home in time to spend dinner with Eric, the father of my kiddos and the girls. It would have been the best of both worlds for me, but it didn't work out that way. I think I'm more sad about missing Father's Day with Eric and the girls, but he seems to be okay with it. Of course, by Sunday of that week, he may be singing a different tune. I think it will be good for him and the girls to have the time together even though he gets a decent amount of time with them now. Half the time they'd rather hang with him than me anyway! What's up with that?? :) It's fun to hear all the questions Nichole and Emily will ask and listen to Eric try to explain things in their terms. It's fun to hear the girls say things like I got even just this morning "Mom, remember when we went to go pick up Daddy in South Carolina?" (Referring to the night we picked him up from his deployment). I have such peace knowing how much their love their daddy even at such young ages and how much he loves them. So much he even played in a "band" with them last weekend. His guitar was made of those sticks you can put together with blocks. Some treasure box find from Nichole, but anyway. There was Emily the drummer, Nichole the conductor (mind you both girls were decked out in their princess attire of course) and then there was dad, the guitar player. I had taken Aspen to the dog park and when I came home, I got a performance of Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise". I love to watch them all interact, most of the time ;) I digress. Anyway, point being, they all share such a great relationship.

Bringing me to another blessing, my dad. Life hasn't been a bowl of cherries the past few months between moving and some other things, but whenever I've called my dad, I've always been cheered up right away. I think his new lungs put a little extra "spitfire" in him too ;) But I love it, it's right up my alley! He's always told me to remember the blessings I have in life and the husband and daughters I get to share those things with, even if it's not always the circumstances I'm wanting to be in. I simply have to remember that at least I'm wherever I am making memories with Eric and the girls and those memories will last forever and will hopefully outweigh the not so great memories. He's taught me to thank Grandma Hornsby for my love of taking pictures and not let there be a limit on who, what, when or why I take pictures even if my pictures aren't artsy looking or cute. They're cute (or handsome if Eric is in them) b/c it's my family. He's taught me that some things will never change that no matter how hard you try, you can't change someone or BE someone you aren't. Not everyone views life the same as I do or as Eric and I may, that doesn't make them wrong, it's just a way of life. Unfortunately I think I am just old school in some of my lines of thinking and I can't change that. I take that back, I could, but I won't. My kids will say "yes ma'am" "no ma'am" etc. It's common courtesy. That's something my dad taught me and I feel is important. Bottom line to all this rambling is I am blessed. Would I like things in my life to be different at times? Yes. Would I like to be back with some AF friends right now and not have them hurting being in a new place and having to meet new friends too? Yes. (Random I know sorry just another one of my feelings right now.) Are my kids healthy and growing babies? Yes. By the way, if you can tell me where the last 4 years have flown to since that's how old my youngest is, please fill me in. Am I blessed? Yes.

I am ever so thankful for a great relationship with my husband both as a husband and father. One that I trust leaving our kids with him for almost a week and knowing that there is a 50/50 shot of them surviving ;) Ha, that's his line, not mine :) I love that he's "got my back" and even if he may not show it as outwardly as most, he hurts for me when I'm hurting and this is his way of helping me get through it, by making himself available so I can spend time with others that mean the world to me.

I am so thankful and blessed to be getting to spend this coming Father's Day with one of the greatest men I know, my dad. And I have Timothy to thank.

I love you both.

It wouldn't be a proper post without at least a "shout out" to my brother and FIL too. Two more men I'm blessed to have in my life. Without them, life wouldn't be the same either. Love you guys too!

Love Never Fails.

6 months ago...

You'll have to press rewind as this is a post that has literally sat in the blog edit list waiting to be published since Oct 5, 2009. I always wanted to give my perspective of my dad's transplant surgery and the few days following, but never could quite get myself to do it. So, as my dad said he had an update for the 6 month after point, I thought it was time to sit down and push these thoughts out. Somehow I know I will mix up all the emotions considering we just made yet another move only this one farther away and not closer to home. So much of life has changed in the past year or so that this has been a tough move so far. I got used to being able to drive home if I wanted. I was blessed beyond words with the chance to be there and experience first hand the miracle God performed with my dad 6 months ago in Jacksonville. To think that the doctors just over 6 months ago were telling him he would have 6 months to live is just amazing beyond words. Friday, April 2, 2010 marks 6 months exactly from the date of his surgery. Friday, April 2, 2010 is also Good Friday. So I'll try to take myself back to 6 months ago when all this was "in the moment", but as I said, I still can't decipher between the complete awe of what God has done, the immense love that I feel for my dad every day and all the other emotions in between.

I realize that my dad has his surgery Friday night, Oct 2nd and was officially given his new lungs and a new BREATH OF LIFE on Oct 3rd, but after being put back under for 24 hours, it feels like today was the first "real" day. So, here's my perspective of things today.

Memories from today:
We were told last night that they would start waking him up around 630 probably. 630 came and went even though I didn't know it b/c I was still asleep, or at least trying to sleep.

At one point, Debbie and I were in the room talking about the prayer pager. She was getting ready to go off duty so she took down the number. Honestly I don't know if she ever used the number, maybe I could ask Uncle Steve since one of my memories will be of him sitting in the ICU waiting room making phone calls thanking people for their prayers. It didn't matter if he knew the number or not, he just picked up the phone to call the prayer warriors.

Somewhere during all the medical talk, the Doctor mentioned how no one had ever prayed for donor's family, until my dad. It was amazing to see the doctors and nurses interact with my dad in just the few short days of being there. This was someone they had never met but they instantly fell in love with him for many reasons.

One of the most powerful moments was when my dad was waking up and still had tubes in him making it impossible for him to speak to us, vocally anyway. When he opened his eyes after surgery, you could see the overwhelming emotion as we were all standing around him cheering him on letting him know it was all okay. He wanted so bad to talk to us and you could see that. Since he couldn't, he was coherent enough to squeeze our hands and communicate. I stood on his left side seeing if he would squeeze it after his left side had not responded earlier hence him having to be put back under for 24 hours. With tubes getting in the way of his vocal cords, he chose to continue to let us all know he loved us by squeezing 1-4-3, which means in "beeper code" "I love you". It was almost comical to have us all standing there trying to figure out what he was trying to tell us, but we finally figured it out.

It was interesting to listen to my dad recount his time just before going under. Things were crazy as they found out he would not only be getting one lung but two and how quickly that all transpired. I think people often underestimate my dad (well, ok maybe not) but he picks up on way more than we know. During the same prayer before his surgery with his surgical team where he prayed for the donor's family, he also thanked God for the nurse to have been able to get a sitter and stay for surgery. This was something you could tell the nurse appreciated and had not known my dad overheard her on the phone asking friends to help out so she could stay.

We all knew my dad was back and was the Rick we all know and love when he was already giving Debbie lists of things to do. It was probably one of the first things he did when he was able to talk without the tubes in. Some things never change :)

Remind me NEVER to stick around in a room where they start cleaning everything and making sure the entire room is sterile. That's when I'll be checking out of the room next time! Watching a picc line iv is something I could have certainly lived without!

I honestly don't remember how this next part went down as many of these things were just in bullet form until now, but through some form of communication after my dad had woken up, my friend Kim Mac shared with me John 11:4: "When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.". When I passed the message along to my Dad he replied with John 9:1-5 saying "This is my job".

I can't remember who played Monday Night Football since we were just so excited about the Dolphins beating the Bills the day before but we got to sit and watch football with my dad in his hospital room. It's the little things you take for granted that you enjoy so much as you get to do them the next time.

We had to laugh at how Dad kept trying to figure out how it was already Monday. He was convinced it was only Saturday since he hadn't been fully caught up on being put back under and having to reset him system for just over 24 hours. Time flies when you're having fun I guess. He kept telling Uncle Pat what a dog he was for missing a surprise birthday party for Aunt Nancy b/c he thought it was Saturday. Obviously he apologized when he realized everyone had made it to their events and still made it down to spend time with him.

The girls had been all set to see G-Man a few weeks after his surgery (plans had been made prior to him receiving the call from the Mayo Clinic). So when they found out that Mommy and Daddy were going to see G-Man and that they were staying with Nana (who was thankfully in town when we got the call so God couldn't have worked that one out better), they were slightly upset simply b/c they wanted to see G-Man as well and weren't grasping why they couldn't go. We decided that they would make G-Man "Get Well" cards. The cards made the trip with us and Dad made sure that everyone who walked through the door to his room saw those cards.

Uncle Steve was there throughout the transplant as much as he could be, but finally it came time for him to head back to Fort Lauderdale. With a scratchy throat still semi fresh from tubes and testing, Dad again wanted to make sure he prayed when Uncle Steve left. He still made sure to mention the donor's family.

Various other thoughts:

I remember my brother (and then others) telling me to listen to the song "I'm Alive" by Kenny Chesney.

I remember telling my husband and Uncle Steve that I was going for a run the morning my dad was supposed to start waking up. Instead (somewhat pre-meditated), I found myself standing by his bed with him unable to talk or even know that I was there. I simply walked in, wandered down to his room and listened to the various beeps from the machines that were all helping Operation Breath of Life keep going. Ha, of course Debbie called while I was in the room and I'm sure was a bit surprised to hear the doctor tell her that I was standing in the room. Hadn't intended to get caught :) It wasn't the first time I didn't listen to my dad considering he had told me pre surgery to wait and come down to Jacksonville later. I couldn't imagine being anywhere but by his side during this time. I will never forget the image I have in my head of him laying there and it felt like a complete out of body experience with an overwhelming wave of emotion as I had never seen my dad that way. (I'm sure the docs didn't question whether or not I was related since I didn't have my id on me). I know he didn't ever want me to see him that way, but it made me love him that much more, to know that he's human and he's now stronger because of it!

There are so many other bits and pieces I could try to piece together, but it all gets mixed up in the many emotions that followed in the next few weeks as life took many other turns with other families we are friends with and yet God still worked in every situation.

Ultimately, I am so thankful to be sitting here tonight (as late as it is and as much as I should be sleeping with movers showing up in the morning:)) and glad I can reflect on the past 6 months and know that my kids and I still have future memories to make with my dad. We have made great memories over the past few months while still making sure we are careful to heed the doctors orders and take the necessary precautions. I'm so glad that I get more time with my dad. I wasn't ready to give him up and I thank God every day for the relationship I have with him. I wish everyone could have a relationship like we do and could cherish the time they have with their dad the way I do. I know the girls have a blast with Eric and G-Man when they get to see him and it just makes me so happy to see the love between all of them.

And now that I have writer's block, I must sign off. It's probably a sign that I need to sleep since I have to be up in less than 7 hours to greet movers bringing my stuff in! Happy "half anniversary" Dad! I love you!