Find Your Wings

With Mother's Day coming up, I realize (once again) how blessed I am with two little girls. Ok, so I don't realize that every day, but I at least try. They can be cute. Anyway, I shouldn't be spending time blogging right now, I should be working!, but wanted to post this song by Mark Harris "Find Your Wings". (You can hear it playing as the first song, for now:)) I heard it on the radio today and it reminds me of my dad and what he has always wanted for me. Thus it also describes what I as a mother and Eric and I as parents want for our little girls. We love you girls! Even if you are pistols :)

Blessed?

John 1:16

I know I've posted about this time and time again but it can't hurt to be repeated right? Last night, once again I realized just how blessed I am to have certain men in my life. For a few days there it seemed as if plans would have to be adjusted for New Hampshire (a trip I look forward to all year long and enjoy having Eric and the girls take part in), I wouldn't get to go home for my cousin's wedding and so on. One of my blessings is my hubby and how he knows how much I love spending time with my family. I couldn't ask for a better family and I am proud of where I came from. We always have a great time together no matter what the event. Shoot, that shows by even watching football in the Mayo Clinic ICU back in October. My hubby knew how much I wanted to go home and be with my family for my cousins wedding even though we'll get to see some of them just a week or so later in New Hampshire. He was able to adjust his schedule such that I could go home. Not only could I go home, but due to the way we were trying to get my ticket, I will be getting to go home for almost a week! That's unheard of... especially considering the kicker, I'm going alone! We had originally intended for the trip just to be from Wed-Sun, the Sunday being Father's Day where I wanted to spend breakfast with my dad and be home in time to spend dinner with Eric, the father of my kiddos and the girls. It would have been the best of both worlds for me, but it didn't work out that way. I think I'm more sad about missing Father's Day with Eric and the girls, but he seems to be okay with it. Of course, by Sunday of that week, he may be singing a different tune. I think it will be good for him and the girls to have the time together even though he gets a decent amount of time with them now. Half the time they'd rather hang with him than me anyway! What's up with that?? :) It's fun to hear all the questions Nichole and Emily will ask and listen to Eric try to explain things in their terms. It's fun to hear the girls say things like I got even just this morning "Mom, remember when we went to go pick up Daddy in South Carolina?" (Referring to the night we picked him up from his deployment). I have such peace knowing how much their love their daddy even at such young ages and how much he loves them. So much he even played in a "band" with them last weekend. His guitar was made of those sticks you can put together with blocks. Some treasure box find from Nichole, but anyway. There was Emily the drummer, Nichole the conductor (mind you both girls were decked out in their princess attire of course) and then there was dad, the guitar player. I had taken Aspen to the dog park and when I came home, I got a performance of Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise". I love to watch them all interact, most of the time ;) I digress. Anyway, point being, they all share such a great relationship.

Bringing me to another blessing, my dad. Life hasn't been a bowl of cherries the past few months between moving and some other things, but whenever I've called my dad, I've always been cheered up right away. I think his new lungs put a little extra "spitfire" in him too ;) But I love it, it's right up my alley! He's always told me to remember the blessings I have in life and the husband and daughters I get to share those things with, even if it's not always the circumstances I'm wanting to be in. I simply have to remember that at least I'm wherever I am making memories with Eric and the girls and those memories will last forever and will hopefully outweigh the not so great memories. He's taught me to thank Grandma Hornsby for my love of taking pictures and not let there be a limit on who, what, when or why I take pictures even if my pictures aren't artsy looking or cute. They're cute (or handsome if Eric is in them) b/c it's my family. He's taught me that some things will never change that no matter how hard you try, you can't change someone or BE someone you aren't. Not everyone views life the same as I do or as Eric and I may, that doesn't make them wrong, it's just a way of life. Unfortunately I think I am just old school in some of my lines of thinking and I can't change that. I take that back, I could, but I won't. My kids will say "yes ma'am" "no ma'am" etc. It's common courtesy. That's something my dad taught me and I feel is important. Bottom line to all this rambling is I am blessed. Would I like things in my life to be different at times? Yes. Would I like to be back with some AF friends right now and not have them hurting being in a new place and having to meet new friends too? Yes. (Random I know sorry just another one of my feelings right now.) Are my kids healthy and growing babies? Yes. By the way, if you can tell me where the last 4 years have flown to since that's how old my youngest is, please fill me in. Am I blessed? Yes.

I am ever so thankful for a great relationship with my husband both as a husband and father. One that I trust leaving our kids with him for almost a week and knowing that there is a 50/50 shot of them surviving ;) Ha, that's his line, not mine :) I love that he's "got my back" and even if he may not show it as outwardly as most, he hurts for me when I'm hurting and this is his way of helping me get through it, by making himself available so I can spend time with others that mean the world to me.

I am so thankful and blessed to be getting to spend this coming Father's Day with one of the greatest men I know, my dad. And I have Timothy to thank.

I love you both.

It wouldn't be a proper post without at least a "shout out" to my brother and FIL too. Two more men I'm blessed to have in my life. Without them, life wouldn't be the same either. Love you guys too!

Love Never Fails.

6 months ago...

You'll have to press rewind as this is a post that has literally sat in the blog edit list waiting to be published since Oct 5, 2009. I always wanted to give my perspective of my dad's transplant surgery and the few days following, but never could quite get myself to do it. So, as my dad said he had an update for the 6 month after point, I thought it was time to sit down and push these thoughts out. Somehow I know I will mix up all the emotions considering we just made yet another move only this one farther away and not closer to home. So much of life has changed in the past year or so that this has been a tough move so far. I got used to being able to drive home if I wanted. I was blessed beyond words with the chance to be there and experience first hand the miracle God performed with my dad 6 months ago in Jacksonville. To think that the doctors just over 6 months ago were telling him he would have 6 months to live is just amazing beyond words. Friday, April 2, 2010 marks 6 months exactly from the date of his surgery. Friday, April 2, 2010 is also Good Friday. So I'll try to take myself back to 6 months ago when all this was "in the moment", but as I said, I still can't decipher between the complete awe of what God has done, the immense love that I feel for my dad every day and all the other emotions in between.

I realize that my dad has his surgery Friday night, Oct 2nd and was officially given his new lungs and a new BREATH OF LIFE on Oct 3rd, but after being put back under for 24 hours, it feels like today was the first "real" day. So, here's my perspective of things today.

Memories from today:
We were told last night that they would start waking him up around 630 probably. 630 came and went even though I didn't know it b/c I was still asleep, or at least trying to sleep.

At one point, Debbie and I were in the room talking about the prayer pager. She was getting ready to go off duty so she took down the number. Honestly I don't know if she ever used the number, maybe I could ask Uncle Steve since one of my memories will be of him sitting in the ICU waiting room making phone calls thanking people for their prayers. It didn't matter if he knew the number or not, he just picked up the phone to call the prayer warriors.

Somewhere during all the medical talk, the Doctor mentioned how no one had ever prayed for donor's family, until my dad. It was amazing to see the doctors and nurses interact with my dad in just the few short days of being there. This was someone they had never met but they instantly fell in love with him for many reasons.

One of the most powerful moments was when my dad was waking up and still had tubes in him making it impossible for him to speak to us, vocally anyway. When he opened his eyes after surgery, you could see the overwhelming emotion as we were all standing around him cheering him on letting him know it was all okay. He wanted so bad to talk to us and you could see that. Since he couldn't, he was coherent enough to squeeze our hands and communicate. I stood on his left side seeing if he would squeeze it after his left side had not responded earlier hence him having to be put back under for 24 hours. With tubes getting in the way of his vocal cords, he chose to continue to let us all know he loved us by squeezing 1-4-3, which means in "beeper code" "I love you". It was almost comical to have us all standing there trying to figure out what he was trying to tell us, but we finally figured it out.

It was interesting to listen to my dad recount his time just before going under. Things were crazy as they found out he would not only be getting one lung but two and how quickly that all transpired. I think people often underestimate my dad (well, ok maybe not) but he picks up on way more than we know. During the same prayer before his surgery with his surgical team where he prayed for the donor's family, he also thanked God for the nurse to have been able to get a sitter and stay for surgery. This was something you could tell the nurse appreciated and had not known my dad overheard her on the phone asking friends to help out so she could stay.

We all knew my dad was back and was the Rick we all know and love when he was already giving Debbie lists of things to do. It was probably one of the first things he did when he was able to talk without the tubes in. Some things never change :)

Remind me NEVER to stick around in a room where they start cleaning everything and making sure the entire room is sterile. That's when I'll be checking out of the room next time! Watching a picc line iv is something I could have certainly lived without!

I honestly don't remember how this next part went down as many of these things were just in bullet form until now, but through some form of communication after my dad had woken up, my friend Kim Mac shared with me John 11:4: "When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.". When I passed the message along to my Dad he replied with John 9:1-5 saying "This is my job".

I can't remember who played Monday Night Football since we were just so excited about the Dolphins beating the Bills the day before but we got to sit and watch football with my dad in his hospital room. It's the little things you take for granted that you enjoy so much as you get to do them the next time.

We had to laugh at how Dad kept trying to figure out how it was already Monday. He was convinced it was only Saturday since he hadn't been fully caught up on being put back under and having to reset him system for just over 24 hours. Time flies when you're having fun I guess. He kept telling Uncle Pat what a dog he was for missing a surprise birthday party for Aunt Nancy b/c he thought it was Saturday. Obviously he apologized when he realized everyone had made it to their events and still made it down to spend time with him.

The girls had been all set to see G-Man a few weeks after his surgery (plans had been made prior to him receiving the call from the Mayo Clinic). So when they found out that Mommy and Daddy were going to see G-Man and that they were staying with Nana (who was thankfully in town when we got the call so God couldn't have worked that one out better), they were slightly upset simply b/c they wanted to see G-Man as well and weren't grasping why they couldn't go. We decided that they would make G-Man "Get Well" cards. The cards made the trip with us and Dad made sure that everyone who walked through the door to his room saw those cards.

Uncle Steve was there throughout the transplant as much as he could be, but finally it came time for him to head back to Fort Lauderdale. With a scratchy throat still semi fresh from tubes and testing, Dad again wanted to make sure he prayed when Uncle Steve left. He still made sure to mention the donor's family.

Various other thoughts:

I remember my brother (and then others) telling me to listen to the song "I'm Alive" by Kenny Chesney.

I remember telling my husband and Uncle Steve that I was going for a run the morning my dad was supposed to start waking up. Instead (somewhat pre-meditated), I found myself standing by his bed with him unable to talk or even know that I was there. I simply walked in, wandered down to his room and listened to the various beeps from the machines that were all helping Operation Breath of Life keep going. Ha, of course Debbie called while I was in the room and I'm sure was a bit surprised to hear the doctor tell her that I was standing in the room. Hadn't intended to get caught :) It wasn't the first time I didn't listen to my dad considering he had told me pre surgery to wait and come down to Jacksonville later. I couldn't imagine being anywhere but by his side during this time. I will never forget the image I have in my head of him laying there and it felt like a complete out of body experience with an overwhelming wave of emotion as I had never seen my dad that way. (I'm sure the docs didn't question whether or not I was related since I didn't have my id on me). I know he didn't ever want me to see him that way, but it made me love him that much more, to know that he's human and he's now stronger because of it!

There are so many other bits and pieces I could try to piece together, but it all gets mixed up in the many emotions that followed in the next few weeks as life took many other turns with other families we are friends with and yet God still worked in every situation.

Ultimately, I am so thankful to be sitting here tonight (as late as it is and as much as I should be sleeping with movers showing up in the morning:)) and glad I can reflect on the past 6 months and know that my kids and I still have future memories to make with my dad. We have made great memories over the past few months while still making sure we are careful to heed the doctors orders and take the necessary precautions. I'm so glad that I get more time with my dad. I wasn't ready to give him up and I thank God every day for the relationship I have with him. I wish everyone could have a relationship like we do and could cherish the time they have with their dad the way I do. I know the girls have a blast with Eric and G-Man when they get to see him and it just makes me so happy to see the love between all of them.

And now that I have writer's block, I must sign off. It's probably a sign that I need to sleep since I have to be up in less than 7 hours to greet movers bringing my stuff in! Happy "half anniversary" Dad! I love you!

Grand Canyon.

Isn't a blog supposed to help you journal and keep everything straight so you don't forget things? It's a good thing our kids have a good memory (well sometimes it's not:)) but they remember everything. So at least they can remind me what we did yesterday morning when I can't remember.

Ok, so forget trying to catch up right now blogging with our Grand Canyon trip, our month long stay in Vegas, visits with friends and visits with family. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe not. Maybe it's time to slow down and not take so many pictures since it takes me forever to upload and update the blog. Or not, since the kids are always doing something fun, funny or something of that nature that I think is worthy of a picture. And isn't there the line of pictures are worth 1000 words? Yes, Grandma Hornsby passed on her love of picture taking to me. I'm not the greatest photographer, but I have millions of pictures to look back on with laughter and tears all in the same picture. Instead of trying to recap each and every thing, you get my fav 5 pictures from each thing. The rest, well eventually they will be able to be viewed by clicking on the link off to the right. Until then, you'll have to use your imagination.

Grand Canyon:

The Grand Canyon from a 6 year old's perspective.

Family pic before it warmed up.

Shhh.. don't tell Eric, but I think he actually likes to take pictures now ;)

These girls are crazy. Don't know where they got it from though ;)

Too good not to share

Prayers have once again been answered. Check out the blog link below to find out.

My dad's latest update

Thank you Timothy. There isn't a greater gift you could have given me than for more time with my dad.

Samson and Delilah

Ha, okay so I know the song on our site is a little out of whack, but it was somewhat funny when I heard it and I just had to post it. I'm on the hunt for another but for now, it will stay. I put it on there b/c this past summer while we were in New Hampshire my parents were doing devotions with the girls one morning and it was the story about Samson and Delilah. Well in the story, Delilah cuts off Samson's hair, thus taking away his strength. The girls made a connection b/c I cut their Daddy's hair so it became a running joke to call him Samson. Anyway, as I said, silly, but thought I'd put it on there anyway. Look forward to a new song and another posting about our recent travels soon. Just not tonight since we spent the first half of the am in the ER with two sick kids and are prepping for a 9+ hour day of driving tomorrow and 10+ the following day! Ugh.

More Majors

As I previously posted, majors boards came out and quite a few people became "major selects". When that happens, you traditionally put down some money to "buy the bar". We did this the Friday we found out that the hubby was in fact a "major select", however, there were only a handful of us at the O'Club. Oh well, we had fun.

So proud of my hubby! I love him!

Ok, so I guess the whole ruining picture thing runs in the family?!? :) I miss taking pictures with her already :(

Yea, so we took a trip to the women's redecorated bathroom in the O'Club and came back out with this empty frame. Our challenge became to see how many random pictures we could take with it. I think we succeeded :)

Of course I needed a framed pic with the hubby.

And yea, randomness at it's best :) I had fun and that's all that matters.

The night the rest of the major selects bought the bar.

Some gals I will most certainly miss. Just too bad they all bleed blue. I won't hold it against them :) Hopefully the AF will have our paths cross again.

Today, we salute you.

My hubby isn't one for praise or one to want attention brought to him, but I am proud of him and what he has accomplished. I think far too often our spouses get passed over when we are saying how much we care about people. Spouses don't hear often enough how much they are loved or cared about (in a public forum). Not that I need to rant and rave about the love I have for my hubby to everyone and their mom, but this time, I get to :) As of today, he is officially a "Major Select". That's the cool name for, hey, we're going to promote you and we're letting you know, but you won't see the pay raise for a while yet. He has traveled a long road to get to where he is and he has had to fight uphill on some things, but he's always been a fighter (ha, no pun intended on the fighter pilot bit). When others have tried to get him down, he's pushed on and pushed through. I guess the real congrats will come in a year or so (hopefully less) when he actually pins on. So today, we salute you Major select "pain in the butt" Music ;) Congrats and can't wait to enjoy this step in our journey together!

Hold Us Together

I should be working. But I heard this song on the radio the other day and with all the turmoil and strife going on in people's lives, sometimes our life depending on the day you talk to us and the in world, I wanted to add this song to our blog. I couldn't add it to the playlist b/c it wasn't available, so click pause on the song playing on the right hand side and click play on this one. It's a great message. And just continue to pray for people. You never know when the person beside you may be having one of the hardest days of their life. Even if they don't show it, people face inner struggles daily. A smile or a simple hello can go a long way to brighten someone's day. It's the little things in life that matter and that will "Hold Us Together".